How We Create Mental Stress

The other day, I was visiting with a friend and watching her daughter play with a slinky she had just gotten. She did all the things a child might do with a slinky, including pretending it was a jump rope. Unfortunately, the jump rope idea resulted in the slinky breaking in two. The girl looked at me, smiled, and said, “Look, now I have two.” What an enlightened perspective that was!

It reminded me of something I've repeated to my clients more than a few times. It's not about what happens, it's about your story about what happens. Your story is what determines your physiological response which, in turn, has a profound effect upon your health and your life.

I recently had an interesting conversation with a client, which illustrates this point perfectly. She felt she had been betrayed by people who were very close to her and wanted my opinion as to whether she was justified in her stance. I told her that I wouldn't comment on whether or not she was right and they were wrong. What I wanted to talk about was how it was affecting her- a question for which I already knew the answer.

Her response on the entrainment table was uncharacteristically subdued. When she got off the table, she asked me how I thought she did and I told her that I didn't think she was completely present. She agreed and proceeded to tell me how this drama was making her feel so badly.

When our story about how life or our life situations should have turned out doesn't match what actually happens, we tend to engage in an internal conversation about it. Whenever this happens, the physiology shifts to “defense” which makes it much harder to access the higher brain. This is important to consider, because the higher brain is the place where we assimilate new information or, if you will, a new story.

If the higher brain is unable to process information, it will be stored in the body and held as a physical anchor. Many of us walk around holding onto these anchors for years, if not our whole lives.

Even if we are justified, it's important to understand that it is our choice whether or not we decide to be offended. The problem with choosing to be offended is that, right or wrong, we are the ones who are negatively affected. On the other hand, if we step back and observe our response, we have the opportunity to change it. That doesn't mean we need to agree with what has happened, we just need to be mindful of what is happening to our body and its physiology. We need to make a choice.

I doubt that the little girl was very mindful of her physiology; however, she could have easily chosen to get upset about the slinky and she did not. It was nice to see her choose a story in which everything turned out alright.