I don't want to be responsible for me! Stage Two Polarity

As we evolve through our life we experience different stages of our healing process. In his book “The Twelve Stages of Healing,” Dr. Donald Epstein describes and classifies the stages he's observed by working with thousands of practice members. Most people experience life through one of two stages. Stage one is called “suffering” and Stage two is called “polarity." The following is a song I've written about the stage and state of mind that Epstein describes as polarity.

I've got this great new doctor, he's going to fix me up and take away all the pain. He can cure me, he's so wonderful and I don't got to be responsible for me.

I've got this great new girlfriend, she going to make me feel so good about myself. She's so pretty and wonderful and I don't got to be responsible for me.

I've got this great new religion; it's going to save me and keep me from going to hell. The promise is so wonderful and I don't got to be responsible for me.

I've got to find a new doctor, the pain is back and I'm feeling it all over again. I've got to get a new girlfriend, cause she turned out to be nothing but more of the same. I've got to find a new religion; the one I've got is not fitting into my plans…

'Cause I don't want to be responsible for me.

Unlike the suffering stage, where we feel helpless and hopeless, in stage two “polarity,” we have gained some power. However the power of our state of mind is placed out side of us and eventually fails us. Never the less it is a step toward the realization that we are responsible for our state of wellness and can take our power back. (Stages three and four)

What's your (cultural) story? The brainwashing of the human race

Not a day goes by anymore when I don't hear a television or radio commercial promoting the use of drugs. Of course, I mean prescription drugs. They certainly wouldn't allow commercials promoting the “bad” drugs. Yes, I know I have a bit of a sarcastic streak.

So, the commercial goes on to say how the drug they're marketing can take care of whatever symptoms you're having whether it be migraine headaches, allergies or acid reflux, depending on the brand. Oh, and let's not forget the “social disorders” like depression, anger and anxiety disorders. Psychotropic drugs are amongst the most popularly prescribed meds.

Near the end of the commercial, if listen real hard, you will hear a monotone voice list the possible side effects, many of which would concern me more than the original symptom. Headaches, back pain and dry mouth are seemingly harmless compared with constipation, abdominal bleeding and possible liver failure. There's something I believe, at least on some level, is even more harmful than the physical side effects of these prescription medications.

The cultural parameters of society tend to dictate the belief systems and behavior of its people. To put it another way, truth is whatever the cultural story says it is. For instance, there's was a time when it was culturally accepted that the world was flat. Based on current knowledge, that may seem a bit ridiculous, but at the time that was the belief. This concept still holds true today.

Society's belief about health and the body's expression of symptoms is dominated by a cultural story called the medical model. In this model, any symptom the body displays is judged as wrong, then named and treated. Some people reading this might be thinking, “of course, who wants to have symptoms, and what's wrong with treating them?” Let's look at an example of this story.

Jane falls in love, gets married at a young age and has a couple of kids. Eventually things don't work out and she finds herself divorced, working a job she doesn't like and running the kids around to all their activities. There is little time left for her own needs, including the things that make her soul sing. At the end of the day she usually has a headache which can be dulled with an over the counter pain killer. Sometimes, when the stress is really bad, she gets migraines. But she has a prescription for that. It doesn't work too well. The only good thing about the headaches is that they keep her mind off her discontent and depression about her life. Her doctor put her on a happy pill that effectively numbs and keeps her from feeling, pretty much, anything. As the stress builds she experiences tension and pain in her neck and shoulders. She goes to the chiropractor, gets “manipulated”, and feels almost totally better. After a while the chiropractic doesn't seem to work anymore. Ironically her annual physical results in a clean bill of health, yet she just doesn't feel as good as she'd like.

I could go on with this story but I think you get the point. Unfortunately, for most people, this story continues with no change in direction. Why? It is because they unknowingly bought into what is currently the predominant cultural story. One in which we are victims of the bad symptoms which are a result of bad luck or bad genetics. We go to the medical doctor, who is the high priest of this story. He diagnoses the symptom, prescribes the cure and helps numb us from the feeling of our life. And we are under the illusion that if we don't feel it we'll be better off. The only problem is that the symptoms keep coming; only they get louder and harder to quell. Meanwhile we live our life steeped in fear, anxiety and the vigilance of survival.

Somehow we have been brainwashed and misled. According to the Partnership for a Drug Free America, one of five teens has abused prescription medications. Is it because they're bad kids or is it because they've been bombarded with the cultural message that says we should use medications to numb ourselves?

There is another, albeit less popular, cultural story that is beginning to emerge. It is called the story of the wellness. In this model we look at symptoms a little differently. They are not just something that's wrong and needs to be fixed, rather they are an expression of an amazing intelligence we call life. They are a way in which our body can alert us to the need for change. Maybe that change is in our diet, or in our relationships, or in how we respond to our environment, or maybe even in our life's purpose.

We, as Network practitioners and SRI facilitators, present to our clients as the storytellers of an emerging culture. We tell the cultural story of wellness and provide them with the tools to support it. In this story we do not fear our bodies and our symptoms; rather we use their wisdom to guide us in the choices of life. We become empowered in our own process. Our practitioners are facilitators, not fixers. It is a story that can help us evolve as individuals and a society. Sounds like a pretty good story to me. It kind of makes you wonder why it hasn't caught on.

The difference between illness and disease

Most people probably don't know this, but there is a difference between illness and having a disease. There are many people that have no presentable disease symptoms yet they are very ill. Some people have a disease and are well at the same time. How can that be? How can someone have a disease and be well all at the same time?

I've heard that quite a few people have recently endured the cleansing that may occur in conjunction with some flu or virus. Apparently it can be pretty uncomfortable. The other day one of my clients who survived this bout commented on her experience. Even though she felt physically horrible, she experienced it from a different perspective than in the past. She had trust that her body knew exactly what it was doing to cleanse itself. Instead of having the feeling of being victimized she felt empowered by the process.

That is a perfect example of wellness behavior.

Illness is not about the symptom; rather it is about the state of mind a person has about that symptom, and for that matter, every other aspect of their life. In illness behavior we react to the processes of the body and of life with fear. Wait a second…we were talking about symptoms and sickness and now we're talking about life?

I also have another client who had recently been confronted with some very major life challenges. A good many people would respond to her situation by shutting down and going into a defensive or protective physiology repeating the cycle of unending anxiety and depression about the present situation. We call that “stage one” in the healing process. So what did she say? Loosely quoted, “I know this will be a challenge but, I'm sure there is a reason for this and that ultimately it creates new opportunities for change and growth.”

Wow, now that is wellness behavior.

Protective or defensive physiology does not allow for that kind of response. When we're in stress physiology the part of the brain that allows for a conscious observation and healthy response is unavailable. Since we're only accessing the lower or reactive part of our brain, our responses are skewed by the filter of our past wounds.

When we experience a situation that is deemed unsafe, uncomfortable or damaging to our sense of self, our brain goes into defensive physiology to protect itself from that information. We release chemicals that effect heart rate, blood pressure, and cause us to tighten down and become inflexible. If we continue in that state, which most people do, our system is not flexible enough to adapt to new and potentially stressful information.

Wellness and illness are about how we respond and adapt to our symptoms and to our life. How would you respond to a symptom, a disease or a life crisis? How have you responded in the past? The answer to those questions will help you get an idea of your own level of wellness.

It might also be noted that wellness is open ended, which means that you can always achieve a greater level of it. In fact, in a research study conducted at the University of California , it was found that people in Network Care, tracked over a period of nine years, appeared to have no ceiling to the level of wellness they experienced. Network Care operates in the wellness model helping people develop strategies to recover from stress physiology, adapt to future stresses and access the part of the brain which enables healthier choices and responses….regardless of symptoms.

The Ineptness of Medical Diagnosis

I spent significant time reflecting on the events that led me to visit the M.D. and was well prepared to share my story so that together we could figure out why I was having painful joint swelling. I didn't however, get the chance to share that story, and felt somehow slighted. Shouldn't I feel grateful to be sent home with a speedy diagnosis of gout and a bag full of sample drugs? "No problem, we'll put you on Allopurinol, one a day for the rest of your life."

That's it? I've got to tell you, the phrase "we'll put you on" didn't really sit too well with me. As if I had no say in the course of action to be taken. It had been so many years since I visited an MD that I don't really remember if it was always like that. I suppose that it's socially accepted and even expected that we are not responsible for our own health. Judging by this doc's presumptuous delivery I'm guessing he probably didn't get a whole lot of resistance from his average patient.

It's not that I have a problem with the practice of medicine, it's the way medicine is being practiced that I'm questioning. It seems as though the most common phrase I hear is "my doctor put me on or took me off this or that medication." I don't know how many people realize the significance of a statement like that. Not very empowering.

Since my practice is in the wellness paradigm I prefer term client or practice member to that of patient. Patient has come to mean victim. A pawn to the good and evil forces that direct one's life. While it may appear the easier route it may not be the most beneficial. One of the aspects of being well is empowerment.

Before I even accept a new client I spend two hours getting to know them and explaining exactly what we're going to do and why. At the end I always ask if what we discussed makes sense and if they think it would be beneficial to begin care. Having the opportunity to tell their story is an important part of the healing process. My very good friend and colleague Dr. Wayne Leyshon used to say "people just want to be gotten," meaning of course that they just wanted to be understood.

Getting to tell their story is a cultural right of passage and when patients are denied that by their doctor it's like saying "what you feel going on inside you is not important." Health researchers are finding that's not the case at all. Terms like Wellness and Quality of Life are emerging as we find things like emotional and psychological well being and the ability to adapt to stress and enjoy life are as important in overall health as the physical lab values.

And you never know, taking a person's history (his story) might actually give some clues as to why the symptoms are occurring and what to do instead of or in addition to just treating the symptom. I think the main problem with treating a symptom without any attention as to why it happened is... well, just that. No attention to why the body is expressing the symptom. If someone comes in and I wave a magic wand over them and make all their symptoms go away, did I really do them a favor? Perhaps I robbed them of the opportunity to figure out what part of their life needs attention. In my case.... What sequence of events have led me to these symptoms and how do I keep from repeating the cycle? What if it's a symptom of something more serious? Is it a product of life style or even a deep seeded emotional pattern? Who knows, but I think it's worth looking into.

He was a really nice guy too, so I can't imagine he would withhold if he new any better. Aside from the prescribed one a day, he also suggested I stay away from wine , cheese and nuts. My subsequent research revealed a much larger list which surprisingly didn't include cheese.... There is a god. Nuts were fine (and even important) too, as long as they weren't cooked in oil. There are also a ton of supplements and foods that reportedly work as well or better than the drug.

Moral of the story.... If you want more information, you'd better look for it. Wouldn't it be nice though, if your M.D. worked with you to get to the bottom of your health concern? Maybe they should have a contract that says "we're only here to treat your symptom, enhanced well being not included."

Researchers find common killer: Stress

Many years ago I remember hearing about how stress was bad and it was fairly common knowledge that stress contributed to some major illnesses including heart attacks and strokes. Not many people seemed to know why. Surprisingly enough, I'm finding that a lot of people still don't!

This morning, on the way into the office, I heard on the radio that scientists have discovered stress deteriorates the cells of the immune system. I thought to myself, "They're just figuring this out?" Of course it does! And it contributes to every other condition as well.

Just about everyone holds a certain amount of tension in their body from both past and present stressors. I believe this is due in part to our culture's increased demands on our body and mind. We've become so accustomed to experiencing life in this state that it has become the norm, the standard by which we define our lives. This "standard" is called stress physiology... and it is completely normal when dealing with a stressful situation. However, after about 20 minutes, it becomes physically harmful.

Stressors can be physical, chemical or mental-emotional in nature. Regardless of its type, the normal response is for the body to go into stress physiology. If the brain can't fully process the stress it will continue in the stress response even after the stress is over. For most people it's never over. (Yes, you too.) Even something as small as the conversation in your head that never stops... that's stress.

So the question is, "Why does stress cause so many problems and affect the body on so many levels?" Well, to start with, when we experience stress certain "stress chemicals" like cortisol are released. This causes an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and blood sugar. It only makes sense that stress contributes to cardiovascular problems and diabetes.

In addition, the breath becomes shallow and the musculature in the body tightens down causing bio-mechanical changes. This is especially true in the spine where improper movement effects the function of the nerve system. Of course, the nerve system controls all other systems including the endocrine system (body chemistry) which regulates everything from hormones to digestion to mood.

One of the most fascinating things to me is how stress affects brain function. The cerebral cortex, or the large part of the brain, is where our higher brain activity occurs. Higher brain activity means processing things other than survival, such as love, creativity, beauty, decision making and life purpose. When you are in a survival mode, or even when your body thinks there's a survival situation, the blood supply to that part of the brain actually diminishes.

Why would it do that? Simple: Your body directs blood where it's needed most and away from the area's that are not needed. In a survival situation we are accessing the lower, or reactive, part of our brain for quick response. The problem is we get stuck in that physiology even after the event is over and we exist as if we're trying to survive. In that state it's physiologically impossible to experience our full potential of love, creativity, beauty and all the other higher brain activities. Life becomes about making to the end of the day, and to the next weekend, and through another month, and to the next vacation and "when I retire then everything is going to be all right." I've got news for you. You never get there.

So I encourage you to ask yourself some questions: Why am I here (in this life)? Am I here to get by and survive, or am I here to experience life with as much love, joy and creativity possible? In addition to worrying about how stress deteriorates our immune cells, maybe we should concern ourselves with how it deteriorates our life experience.